rexe

Last four songs listented to:
Sparta - Breaking the Broken
Chingon - Malaguena Salerosa (awesome spanish song)
Billy Boyd (of Lord of the Ring fame) - Hit Me Baby One More time (cover)
Blind Boys of Alabama - I Shall Not Walk Alone

Billy can sing amazingly well. Go Download.

_+_

Thoughts on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness:

As one friend describes it: life has been all drama lately. Whether it's one personal problems, friend problems, school, college, and etc.; drama seems to pervade it all.

I have exactly five months, 12 days, 1 hour, and 3 minutes till I graduate. For what seems all of my high school career, I have been focused on that singular event. Everything I did was for college, and for graduation. I look back and feel that I did almost nothing for me. I went to ND to make my grandfather happy. I had been living under his house for 4 four years prior, and wanted to make him proud of me. He has been my surrogate father for the past seven (eight this april) years of my life. When I got to Notre Dame, I made friends with my brother's friends. I had very few friends my own grade. Of those friends, I continue to remain close with, two remain. Both hate the school just as much as I do. (*waves to sheersupernova*)

I did not try out for any plays that year because I had no transportation. I love to act. I'm not that good at it but I still love doing it. I still talk way too fast but I've improved. I never played any sports. I never joined any clubs during club rush freshman year because I stuck by my upperclass friend who was monitoring her club table.

High school was supposed to be fun. Didn't they put that in the brochure? Maybe I expected too much. I found way too many closed minds, fake people, and assholes for my taste. I am lucky in the respect that I never had to put up with anyone's problems. Maybe that made me focus on my own more. I regret never telling an adult how depressed I've been. I regret placing all my anger/angst on this public journal/forum. I regret losing almost all of my close friends from middle-school. I regret more then I should. I hate regreting. Aren't we, as teenagers supposed to be carefree, and have no regrets? Take college out of the picture. Life was not supposed to be harsh. Maybe that's my biased opinion.

This is mostly addressed to any seniors out there in LJland (starya, sheersupernova,karrottop, shinra_inc, among others). Don't we all say: I can't wait till college? Get me out of this hell hole? Is school over yet? Is college going to be much better? College will be a new enviroment. While we will be adjusting to living away from home (at least thats the gameplan now), we'll be attempting to make new friends, get used to our new workload, and other circumstances revolving around: adjustment. Are we truly prepared to go out there? Are we armed with sticks and stones of freshman ignorance or do we have some stronger weapon to defend us? Despite the 'drama' of high school. Despite the all-time lows. Despite all the pain, all the hurt, all the scars. Are we armoured enough to go do battle with a new life? I am not one to judge who is prepared and who is not. This was not meant to say that we are in no way ready. Some are, some are not, some have no clue.

We were supposed to be prepared. I personally feel cheated. Instead of chain-mail and steel, I feel I have been give leather and a big stick. When we go into the world after graduation or lack of graduation; we have to be prepared in some sense. Maybe by being prepared it means we will stay in contact with our close friends. There has never been better chain-mail created then that of the links between true friends. At least in my opinion. (maybe steffie shoudl quite the metaphor, onwards, westwards my child ------>). Maybe some of us will sever all ties in order to start anew.

Whatever path you choose, let it be chosen with no regrets. Or rather the path of least regrets. Pain, and hardship should not dictate your life. We are not teenage martyrs. We do not have to be crucfied on a cross made of regret, self-inflicted suffering, and disheartenment. We are not sinners and we are sure as hell not saints (but that can always change - st francis of assisi for example; life of sin, then sainthood. i prefer the life of sin but I'm a 'heretic' anyways. I get to wander in limbo with all the greek philosophers.).

My long, over-drawn point is thus: Whatever has happened in high school stays in high school. Choose your armour. Despite what has happened, life has a way of kicking you in the arse but still manages to keep you from falling in the dust.

My love and hope to you. Finals and Midterms are almost over. Fuck whats happened before. Tabula Rasa - clean slate, people. We get one last chance before commencement. I plan on not screwing this slate up like I did with first semesters. What you choose to do with your tabula rasa is your choice.

-=-
Now I feel better. Comments, critiques, bashings upon my head, lindt chocoloate turffles, are always welcomed. My point was probably lost in translation but thats okay. I got a chain-mail metaphor in there, and that makes me happy. Influence of catholic school shows up as well. *toast* Banzai! Kanpai! To Life! Proust!