rexe

God, I feel so left out. Everyone seems to be doing stuff with everyone else. NO one invites me. So I sit here at home all day, bored out of mind. Beyond the point where screencaps of Ewan in The Pillow Book and bring me back.

Am I asking too fucking much? If people hate to hang out with me. I'd like to know! I hate being left in the dark. There's too many barriers around all of us.

I'm happy that I don't have too many problems beyond my own house. I don't have relationship problems becasue I'm not involved wiht anyone. Or even lusting after someone. I'm in a religion that I believe in. I know someone thought I was going in and then coming right back out. I stick with what I believe in. I don't follow trends. I like what I like. I am what I am. I don't enjoy masks! You ALL know that. I hate it when people act so fake. I don't hate them but I want them to come out and show who they are.

Fuck it. No one listens. No one takes what I say to heart. I don't have any special skills, I'm not part of band, I don't have a job, I don't have a crush. I feel like I'm being rejected because of it.

My life at home is horrible. My Mom constantly gripes about money. My grandmother hates me. I'm supposedly selfish, money-hungry, crazy, and stupid. My imidetale family as called me the first two. My uncles and aunt the thrid, and my grandfather the last.

I can't take all this fucking stress. Why do you think I obsess over Ewan?! It gives me a fucking meaning, a fucking purpose.

I have no FUCKING purpose! At least I don't feel like dying. I'd rather live in hell, and try ot do something, then give up and become the earth. Thats a another thing. You can't believe on reincarnation and heaven and hell. I joke about heaven and hell, I don't beleive in them.

Thats it. I needed to get all that shit out of my system. I'm getting pocky.

Sorry guys. You all know my home life. It sucks. Everyone is always complaining or blaming me. I suppose I'm just filled up wiht too much negitivity. In don't sometimes it seems like everyones doing something and I don't get invited. It wasn't about the Otakon thing. My mum's being a bitch about that.

I dunno, I just hate my lifestyle. I know i bitch too much, but it's my right and I have just cause.

On a lighter note, I just saw Lilo & Stitch. I loved it! Stitch is just an awesome character. You just want to hug him. He's well developed. There wasn't too much Elvis music, thank god. There were about two really pretty hawaiian songs. ::giggle:: Mr. Bubbles. A Must-See.

I'm trying to explain to Andrew about Lain. evanscentkore I do believe this is your arena. x.x

Almost time to go to sleep. I think I'll post a pic on Ewan Daily before that. ^^