rexe

First off, I'm sick. Everybody is probably rolling their eyes and going 'sure of course you are'. I'm sorry to make to disappointed but I am. I can't eat food without getting sick anymore. I figure I shuld stop or get fed by an IV my whole life. I have food allergies and for some fucking reason they've been dormant up till now...

I can't eat fried food, spicy gfood, and other such materials... I hat being sick all the time. I hate it.

Today at the mall I saw Kristin and Christina and someof their friends. I got sick a few minutes later. So Jeremie quickly ran into FYE to by himslef a game and Sam a chirstmas present while tried to contain myself... I take my self away from the pain. No one understands me at ND. I just want someone to understand me. I want my non-blood family aka my friends.

On top of that, my omther isn't very supportive of what I do. The only thing that has kept me going as been my faith. My religion. My goddess.

I'm moving in July. A little bit more then six months till I leave East Bumblefuck. The only home where I have found people who care about me and who I could care about. I don't want to leave my friends. And now even if I stayed I don't know if I would want to leave ND, I onoy have a few friends there but I only see them there. I'm so confused. I need my poety to keep me alive, I need by stories to help me get through the day. And I have to imagine I'm somewhere else. I pretend I'm in some faraway land wiht the prince of my heart everything being fine. I'm a claustriphobic, paranoid, emothionly-unstable bitch... Every few seconds I have to look out the window, to make sure everything outside is okay to make sure no one is there staring at my window. I just want to escape.

Of course I'm though if suicide. I think about ti even now. Suicide is a foolsih, selfish and cowardly thing to do. I'm going to beat life. I will never kill myself. I'm not going to let whoever they be be win. I'll keep going. I'm not searching for the eeasy way out. I'm not going to be someone else I'm not going to give up. I won't let anyone let me.I'm stronger than that. Only one week to go till break. I will see my friends then. I need too.I'm not going to let some one control my destiny. Thats my job. Besides I'm God, remember ^__^.

Lets hear it for the people
Lets hear for the ones that won
Lets keep on going
Never to give up
Don't turn around
Let's beat it
History
Fuck the lovers
Fuck the parents
Fuck the politicians
Lets beat it
History
Won't let them win
I have my destiny
It's not yours
I'll fight for it
I'll win
Lets beat it
History
~Random Muse, Steff-chan